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The sex of a spider is best determined from a cast skin (exuvium). The sexual organs are situated between the first pair of booklungs (picture 1).
The female exucium contains the spermathecae (picture 2). The male exuvium has a flat area on that same place.
Every species has a different shape of spermathecae, see drawings below.
Female Brachypelma smithi:
picture 1
picture 2
Spermathecae of different species:
Click a picture to see a larger view:







Source and owner of drawings: Mikhail F. Bagaturov.
Article from Rick West on birdspiders.com: How to determine the sex of your tarantula: < Link >
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